


Letters

by reydishii



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I feel so bad, I made Space Dad cry, Love, M/M, Reincarnation of a sort, Rule #1: NEVER MAKE SPACE DAD CRY, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-12 23:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11172315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reydishii/pseuds/reydishii
Summary: Lance writes a few letters to Keith.Trigger Warning: Suicide, depression.Formerly called Hyacinthum.





	1. Letter #1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: suicide.

_Keith,_

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_It’s been a long road for us, huh? I can barely remember the time when we were at the Garrison, with our petty little rivalry. It’s funny that I actually want to be back there now, but when we were in the Garrison, all I wanted was to finish training and get out._

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_Honestly, that’s all because of you._

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_I hope that this letter properly explains why I made the choices I made, and I hope you can forgive me someday._

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_Anyways, we started out nicely, didn’t we? I spilled my coffee on you at the shop where Hunk and Shiro worked, and got it all over your new shirt. You then chased me around the coffee shop, screaming things like “I’m gonna fucking kill you!” and “I don’t even get an apology?!” For your information, I did apologize, and this is one of the many things that you don’t remember about me, which I assumed it was because I wasn’t memorable enough. I guess I was right, huh?_

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_You’ve forgotten about me other times too, y’know? I always played it off like a joke, but it really hit me hard. Was I really not that important to you? It really felt like it, Keith._

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_God, the fact that this is the last time I’m ever going to see your name written is kind of difficult. It makes me want to tattoo it onto my skin and put a bunch of red galaxy patterns around it. Maybe throw in your favorite constellation, too, you space nerd. I guess I just want you to be with me forever, and that’s a way to do it._

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_How ironic that you don’t feel the same._

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_Is that even the proper word usage for ‘ironic’? I wouldn’t know, I’m not that smart, heh…_

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_I don't know if you've realized it, but I'm not an asset to the team. Pidge is the hacker, Hunk is the mechanic and cook. Allura plans out what we do and keeps up in shape. Coran helps her manage everything. Shiro’s our leader- we’d fall apart without him. And you, Keith. You're the essence of Fire himself, coming up with brilliant strategies and almost took down Zarkon single-handedly. But what do I do?_

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_I'm the one that Blue chose out of convenience. You, surely, must realize that._

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_Got off topic for a moment there._

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_When we were at the Garrison, remember how before you got booted out, we used to share a room? Yeah, we did. I don't know how you forgot me._

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_Remember when we got together? In the Garrison??_

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_Then, you got booted out, and never even texted me again. Seems that you must have forgotten about me then._

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_You even denied the mind-meld sessions. I couldn't even make those up, Keith._

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_Then, I seemed to start doing everything wrong._

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_Allura never seemed to appreciate flirting with her (even if it was just playful), or me even going to talk to her. She must have had thought that I was going to say something stupid again._

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_Shiro stopped listening to my attempts at strategizing when a plan failed once. Kind of unfair, since you go blazing into places all the time and he still listens to you. Bet he doesn't see potential in me._

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_Coran never talked to me like he used to. He probably got tired of me. Must have been my run-on mouth._

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_Pidge would tell me to shut up and leave her alone any time I would talk to her. I didn't even do anything._

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_Even Hunk started getting annoyed by me. He would roll his eyes any time I would come up to him- something he does with the people he dislikes._

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_And you, Keith. I'm not going to lie- when we got back together, I felt like you were using me. For making yourself feel loved, for sex, for comfort, for happiness, for everything. I never felt like anything other than a pining mannequin in this relationship. I never felt like you cared about me or my problems. You’d brush me away to go train. God, I wanted to burn that room. You seemed to love it more than me. Statistics show that this is unhealthy._

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_Everything I’ve ever said to you is true. I care about your well-being. I value you as a strong person who can succeed at anything he tries to do. I love you._

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_By the time you read this, I'll be out of your hair for good. I've locked myself in the bathroom with a sword I stole from the Galra. I've always thought harakiri was an honorable form of suicide._

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_I have to apologize, though._

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_Allura, I'm sorry that I couldn't say anything remotely intelligent to you._

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_Shiro, I'm sorry that even through all of your training, I could never summon up something with any potential._

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_Coran, I'm sorry I bored you to the point you wouldn't talk to me. I understand._

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_Pidge, I'm sorry for interrupting your concentration over and over._

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_Hunk, I'm sorry that I started getting annoying. I wouldn't want to be around me either._

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_Keith, I'm sorry that I wasn't someone you could love._

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_Find a better pilot for Blue, okay?_

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_Love,_

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_Lance._

Lance slipped the piece of paper underneath Keith’s door. He could hear movement that meant his boyfriend was getting up, so he quickly ran around the corner. He heard Keith call “Hello?” once he opened his door, but he ducked back inside to read the note. 

This was it. 

Lance finally felt a sense of relief as he walked into the bathroom where he had hidden the sword. He locked the door and got the sword out from behind the toilet. 

Without any further delay, Lance sat down, and plunged the sword through his stomach. He screamed in pain, not caring who heard him. Once Keith read the note, they'd know what happened. Tears began to fall down his cheeks as blood dropped out of him. 

Time seemed to blur for Lance, but he finally began to black out as he heard Keith frantically banging on the door.


	2. Letter #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letter #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some angst in this one.

_Hey, Keith. It’s me again._  
   
_I’m not gone, unfortunately. Aren’t I lucky?_  
   
_Apparently, the last planet we had gone to had some kind of virus. I contracted it, and it makes me unable to die permanently. Apparently, there’s a way to come back to life, though, which I’m going to do some digging on, because I’d rather be living in a world with fake promises than in a lonely on with a harsh reality._  
   
_From what I understand, I can’t get rid of this virus, it only allows the infected person to come back to life if they die from natural causes. And since I have this infinitely, I’ll be stuck in the universe forever as some sort of cyber-ghost._  
   
_I’m never gonna get a fucking break, Keith. Ever. I’m going to be stuck in a ghost state until the universe ends and then even more. I don’t even know if anyone else has this virus. Wasn’t I the only one who took off the helmet when we entered that planet’s atmosphere?_  
   
_How I know this, you may ask? Well, at least the lions have spirits that I can see and communicate with._  
   
_That’s right._  
   
_They spend their time in cat form mostly, wandering around the castle. Red’s spirit never leaves your side, except when Black or Blue calls her._  
   
_Oh, and I figured out the genders of the lions! Black and Yellow are the only two males- the other three are female. We don’t seem to have any non-binary lions in this space castle._  
   
_They actually have human- or Altean forms, too. Black in human form is this big buff dude- a bit like Shiro, really. He has kinda longish hair- a few inches longer than your, actually. He has this massive scar on his abs, going from the right side right below his nipple. The only reason I know this is because I don’t think he owns a shirt. If he does, he never wears it, kinda like that character Gray from that one anime. He has those markings that Allura and Coran have under their eyes, except his are black. All of the lions have those, matching with what lion they are. Also, everyone’s eyes match their color as well, making me freaking the hell out whenever I see Red in human form. Their hair matches too, for some reason that must have required a lot of color-coding._  
   
_Yellow is the second biggest, next to Black. He’s slightly less of a tank, but still could roundhouse kick you through a wall. It’s weird, since he wrestles with the other lions all the time, but the only one getting hurt is him._  
   
_Blue is the middle tallest (is that a thing?) and her appearance surprised me. I thought that she would have long hair, but it’s short, cropped up to her chin. She has a weird little undercut in the back, with the ends dyed blonde. It’s definitely a look that I didn’t imagine working out. (But it does.)_  
   
_Red really surprised me. This woman has long hair, and when I say long, I mean long. It’s down to her ankles, and it touches the floor if she tips her head back far enough. She constantly styles her hair as well, and she’s the one who actually likes to stay out of cat form. The others tease her because she likes to show off her hair, but she’s also the definition of “doesn’t give a fuck”. She has a really badass scar across her cheek, too, that she says she got from Blue when they used to fight._  
   
_Kinda sounds like us a little bit. Didn’t I give you a scar on the arm that one time where Shiro had to separate us?_  
   
_Sorry about that._  
   
_Green has confirmed that she is 100% female, but when I first saw her, I legitimately could not figure out if she was a girl or not. She looks completely masculine or androgynous. It’s actually crazy. Like, damn, where did she get those jawlines?_  
   
_Surprisingly, Red it the one I talk to the most. Bet you thought it’d be Blue, huh? But no. Red and I kinda bonded over her hair, since I wanted to do it. And since I’m not the blue paladin anymore, then I don’t just have to stick to one lion._  
   
_Red told me the first thing you did when you found out about my suicide was to come to her and cry. I told her I was genuinely surprised. Whoa, you actually cared about me that much? To cry over me? I was a little honored._  
   
_Blue still has a telepathic connection with me, surprisingly. I thought I’d leave that behind with me when I died, but I guess not. I hope it isn’t because she knows that I would rather go back than stay here._  
   
_(Just kidding- she fucking knows. She knows that I’d want to find a way, too. Get out of my goddamn head, Blue.)_  
   
_She’s been rejecting everyone you guys get for a reason. Did you realize that? She waiting for me to figure out a way to get back. She’s told me that if you needed to form Voltron, she’d let Allura in, but not anyone else._  
   
_All I wanted was an escape, but what’d I get? Eternal life. I’m not even gonna lie, Keith. I’m scared._  
   
_What comes after this? Is it a literal infinity of just waiting? Will I be alone forever? The possibilities are endless. All I wanted to do was end it all, and I can’t even do that._  
   
_Ugh, I’m tired of writing. I’ll write another letter some other time to you, okay babe?_  
   
_Love,_  
   
_Lance._  
   
Lance tossed the pen and signed letter (made by the lions so he could at least have somewhere to vent without phasing through things) away onto the floor of Blue’s hangar, which was where he mainly slept now. The cat form of Blue appeared, nudging Lance’s writing stuff into a corner. She disappeared and manifested herself right in front of Lance not even a second later, tail flicking. Lance knew that she was upset about something, but decided not to push it.  
   
As Lance stroked the blue cat’s fur, he could start to hear footsteps from the hallway. Lance made no attempt to even move, knowing that they couldn’t see or hear him anyways. He was tired of trying.  
   
Allura and Shiro walked into the blue lion’s hangar, both being very (visually) stressed. Lance felt some guilt wash over him as he scratched Blue’s ears, eliciting a purring response from her. He didn’t cause the stress, did he?  
   
Allura waved her hands at the mecha cat. “She won’t let me in!” She growled, a frustrated gleam in her eyes. “I’m starting to think that she’s rejecting everyone for a reason, Shiro! I just can’t figure out what it is! I don’t care that we formed Voltron with me in the blue lion the other day. If she truly accepted me as her paladin, I should be able to get into her whenever I want!”  
   
Lance wished he had earplugs. Blue mewed at him in sympathy, then disappeared. The blue lion (the big robot one) started to move, stretching out her muzzle to Allura, who stood with wide eyes at Blue. Then, she tentatively reached out and put a hand on her nose.  
   
Instantly, Lance’s mind connected to Blue’s, who was connected to Allura’s. They’re mind-melding, Lance realized in awe, and Allura’s eyes snapped open. Apparently, so was he.  
   
Ah, shit.  
   
Now that Allura was connected to the blue lion, she could actually see and hear Lance, and instantly snapped her head over to the sound of Lance’s thoughts. Lance could only sit, frozen, as Allura put a hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. She tried to take her hand off Blue to go touch him, but Lance knew that would stop the mind-melding. She must have gotten the idea, too.  
   
Allura tore her hand away from Blue and squeezed her eyes shut as gut-wrenching sobs heaved out of her. Lance felt tears well up in his own eyes at this. Did she actually miss him? Were those tears for him?  
   
Shiro came up behind to steady Allura, who had begun to sway in her spot. “Wh-What’s wrong?” He asked gently, his face slightly pale.  
   
“Lance,” Allura cried. “La-Lance is still here,” tears flooded down her face as she said this, quickly taking Shiro’s hand and pressing it against Blue.  
   
Out of all of the reactions Lance could think of, the one reaction Lance could never even dream of was the one in which his fearless leader, Garrison idol, and Galra prisoner survivor, Shiro, would begin to cry as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna make this a really short fic. Maybe even less than ten chapters. Less than twenty for sure. It all depends on where my planning takes me.


	3. Letters #3 & 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters 3 & 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this story now has a definite number of chapters! ^^
> 
> I really wanted to make it seven chapters for some reason, but I forced myself not to in order to have chapters out in time for you guys.

_Keithers,_

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_So Shiro and Allura now know I still exist. Great. Thanks, Blue._

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_Didn’t she try to tell the rest of you as well? Thanks for not believing her. Why would she lie about that sort of thing? I’m actually kinda disappointed about that. Come on, man, have a little faith._

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_Oh, and guess what happened today? Green came into the room, sent out thoughts of being nonbinary, and left. So, we do have a nonbinary lion. Ignore the she/her pronouns in the last letter._

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_Also, I found out a way to come back to life. It's gonna be really difficult, but I think it’ll be worth it. I can't stay as a ghost forever when I have a chance of actually living before being resigned to my fate._

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_So we have to go back to that planet- which I found out is called Leiquei. Pronounced leh-kway. They have an antidote there, because they know it happens. They're immune to the virus, because they've spent so long on that planet and evolved. Sounds cool, doesn’t it? If you hate someone from another species, just give them the virus, and laugh because you’re immune._

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_God, I wish humans were immune. Then I wouldn’t be stuck in this pile of shit._

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_Yellow told me today that any object that I keep while going from spirit to human will become physical with me! That’s pretty cool and all, since Blue gave me this really shimmery bracelet and I love it. It’s like a galaxy, like that Ender dimension in that Minecraft game (before you comment on this, I have a brother who plays it). It also glows, and it’s just really cool and I’ll show you when I get back._

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_I don’t know if I’ll keep the letters I’ve been writing, though. You could see them that way, and I don’t know if I want you to see how actually pathetic I am._

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_I heard from Red that you two talked today. What’d she say?_

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_Speak of Zarkon, she just appeared next to me._

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_Well, I gotta go, Keith. She says she’s gonna let us talk, and I wouldn’t miss that for the world._

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_I can only hope that you feel the same._

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_Love,_

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_Lance._

Lance jumped up, startling Red effectively, drawing a loud pterodactyl-like screech from her. 

“Sorry!” Lance said, starting to race to Red’s metal body. He heard her mutter “It’s fine,” as she teleported away, making Lance frown. Why the hell couldn’t he teleport? It would make life (or death) so much easier.

He skidded into Red’s hangar, almost falling on his face due to the physics of momentum and friction. He could see Keith there already, and he could feel the mind-meld starting to connect to him as well. Keith’s head snapped up to face Lance, tears pricking in his eyes when they made eye contact. 

_Are you actually gonna cry for me? Low, Keith,_ Lance thought. 

“Just- just shut up and get over here, asshole,” Keith gasped, tears cascading down his cheeks, overwhelming Lance with a flood of warmth and surprise. He was genuinely crying- for him?

Lance raced over to Keith, tears beginning to form in his eyes as well. He tackled the black-haired boy into a hug, practically straddling him, but never caring. Keith’s hand came off of his lion’s muzzle to squeeze Lance back, but it didn’t seem to matter. The mind-meld was still going on, after all.

“Yo-you absolute _idiot!_ ” Keith stammered in between sobs into Lance’s shoulder. “Why the hell d-did you think k-ki- _killing yourself_ -” He yelled so loudly that Lance flinched. “-was a good idea?” Sobs wracked Keith’s whole body, and he was trembling so hard that Lance thought he might break.

“I didn’t think, okay,” Lance replied in a surprisingly low, calm voice that seemed to soothe Keith just a tiny bit. “But I had no reason to stay around.”

“But- I-”

“If there was anyone who cared about me, I couldn’t see it.”

Keith shut up.

\--

After the boys had calmed down a little bit, they got around to talking. 

“Why?’ Keith asked Lance. 

“Why what?”

“You know what.”

Lance sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Because I had to, I guess.”

“Elaborate, Lance.”

He lowered his gaze to the ground. 

“You read my letter. Well, the first one, at least.” Lance chuckled, and Keith looked at him with a puzzled expression. Lance dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Nothing, nothing. Maybe I’ll tell you one day.” Green (in cat form) approached him cautiously, and Keith gawked in amazement. 

“Is that the green lion?” He asked, and Lance nodded, running a hand along their back. 

“Yep,” he said, and Green pushed into his face and nuzzled it. Then, they teleported somewhere in the castle, and Keith made his expression stern. 

“Tell me.”

Lance sighed. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, so just- just take these, I guess.” Before Keith could say anything, Lance started using their mind-meld to send memories to him.

He sent memories of being excluded in team training, of others always being singled out, but not him. He sent memories of being forgotten after dinner, jokes no one laughed at, crying alone in his room. Memories of seeing others thrive while he was just there, nothing he was good at, always being lonely, never feeling loved-

Keith sent memories. Memories of wondering where Lance was after dinner, looking upon his boyfriend and feeling unimaginably proud, smiling at Lance’s attempts to make someone laugh when Lance couldn’t see him (literally, as he was always behind or something similar). Memories of wanting to ask Lance to crochet something for him but being too shy to, memory after memory after memory after memory.

They were both crying again, mentally drained from their emotions and the mind-meld. The boys were sitting up, leaning their foreheads against each other, eyes closed. Lance felt Keith’s fingers brush over his face, and he opened his eyes to see Keith looking at his with strong emotion in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Keith asked, and Lance nodded, closing the short distance between them himself, sliding his hands up to Keith’s face to hold him as well. He brushed away stray tears that rested on Keith’s cheeks, only for them to come back. 

Keith broke the kiss, only to bury his head in Lance’s shoulder. 

“You have no idea-” He broke off, voice cracking. “-what it was like after you were gone. I wanted- I wanted to die, too, but I couldn’t! Voltron couldn’t just lose another paladin, and then now you’re never coming back, and I can’t spend all of the time here, I have a job, and the mind-meld doesn’t work without the lions anyways-”

“Keithers,” Lance interrupted gently, wiping away his tears again. “That’s not true, baby. I can come back, we just gotta wait for it.”

“Really?” Keith perked up almost instantly, expression one of surprise, that quickly contorted into pained relief. “You- you fucking better-” 

Like an aftershock of an earthquake, both boys began sobbing once more.

\--

_My best Keef,_

_I’m so glad we talked._

_If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think that I’ll ever stop loving you, Keith._

_I love you so, so, much,_

_Lance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give feedback :3


	4. Letter #5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is (rightfully) pissed at Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...
> 
> Well, only one chapter left, guys! Thank you so much to the people who have been here from the beginning! I really appreciate you for inspiring me to continue this little short fic. 
> 
> Quick shoutout: Paulalfo! They've been here from the beginning and actually really inspired me!
> 
> Blue is now officially my favorite character. Someone please make fanart of this moment of hers; I will freaking put that in here AND frame it and hang it in my room.

_Are you kidding me, Keith!?_

_I wake up, thinking we can talk again like we have for the last few days, and now I find out that you’re practically dead!? Goddammit, when will you ever stop being so reckless? I literally just wrote that I’ll never get over you- you can’t just die on me now!_

_I already talked to Allura about the cure for this. We have to go back to the planet, which turns out to be called Leiquei, pronounced leh-quay. The natives have an antidote there, and they’re immune to the stuff. Did I say this already? I probably did, but I’m too stressed to care to remember._

_Keith, in case I never see you again, what am I going to do? You probably won’t turn into a freak-of-nature ghost, and I’ll be stuck in eternity by myself. If I could only pull some Harry Potter-level bullshit, then I sooooooo would._

_If you don’t make it, I’m going to find your soul and kill it. Then aggressively cry._

_God, I can’t write now. I’m too stressed._

_We’re already on our way to Leiquei. Allura will get the potion, then give it to me in Blue’s hangar. We don’t know what side effects could come with the potion, but we don’t care at this point. We’ve all been stressed trying to save you, and it shows._

_Your heart stopped twice last night, Keith._

_You look dead. I think Red’s keeping you from dying. It seems like she vanished, but Blue told me that she’s “with you”, so I assume she’s what keeps you hanging on._

_I love you so, so , so, much, Keith. You better fucking come back to me._

_Lance._

Lance groaned, flopping over onto the floor, narrowly missing Blue in cat form. She hissed at him, and he muttered his apologies. 

Blue seemed to sigh, and transformed into her human form with a flash. “Do you want me to console you?” She asked Lance.

“Yes, please, very much so,” Lance confirmed. “Make me laugh or something. Distractions are needed.”

Blue glared at him, then transformed back into her cat form. She delicately stood on her back legs and raised her front paws in the air, up to her muzzle. 

No way.

Blue let out a small ‘nya’ as Lance exploded into laughter. Red’s laughter came out from one of the air vents, prompting the rest of the cats to teleport into the room. Yellow yowled in delight while Green and Black snickered in amusement. Blue’s head quickly swiveled around to stare at them in shock and humiliation, and she toppled over backwards in doing so. 

Long story short, Blue made everyone promise to never tell what happened ever again. 

\--

It was around midnight in the castle when they arrived on Leiqei. 

Lance, who had slept through most of the journey, but Blue had woken him up when Allura announced that they were there. He had gone down to the castle entrance with Allura- the others had hung back because they didn’t want to catch the virus. Lance understood- he didn’t wish this on anyone. 

The Leiqans were a race of soft, squishy anthropomorphous creatures, with no defining gender characteristics. They were translucent, gradually becoming more opaque in the middle of their bodies, where their organs would be. They had slim figures, like humans, but as thin as an iPhone charging box and seemingly boneless. They greeted the ship when it landed on the planet’s surface, waving their thin arms, at Allura in welcome, which she quickly reciprocated. 

“Hello, Princess,” A Leiqan with a soft yellow glow (their leader, maybe?) hummed. “And guest. What brings you here today?”

“Greetings, Mx., um, excuse me, but…”

“Mx. Fryrw is fine, thank you.”

“Mx. Fryrw. I assume that you can see Lance.” They nodded. “Well, he has recently… passed away from unnatural causes and would like to come back to life. Is there a way to do that?”

Mx. Fryrw nodded. “Yes, of course. We’ll have you back to normal in no time, Lance.” They nodded at another Leiqan, who immediately started moving to the back of the crowd, but were somehow back within a few seconds. They handed a strange vial to Lance, who took it, expecting for it to drop to the ground. However, it stayed in Lance’s hand, seemingly unaffected by the fact that everything else that was handed to him seemed to phase through his hands. 

“This is the serum used to counteract the virus. It will keep you alive for what you would have lived for had you not have died, but you will live eternally in afterlife. However, I am sure that you are aware of this fact.” Lance nodded. He was indeed well aware of this fact.

He didn’t want to die. 

Mx. Fryrw continued on with their speech. “This is meant to be ingested. Be careful, however, as you will pass out in the following ten seconds. Be sure to either have someone nearby, or a soft surface.” They smiled lightly at Lance. “Be careful, young one.”

Lance nodded again, suddenly choked up. When he came back to life, then he would have no excuse but to talk to Keith. There would be no more avoiding, no more letters and running away. 

“Thank you,” he said earnestly, and Allura followed, bowing slightly. 

Soon, they had boarded the castle-ship again and were leaving the planet of Leiqei, never to return.

Allura had Shiro and Coran set up a soft expandable couch in the lion hangars, so they could communicate. It wasn’t like they needed any confirmation on where Lance was, though, as to them it looked like a floating vial. Yes, he had asked Hunk. 

“Ready?” Allura asked Lance, who had uncapped the vial and was holding it to his lips. He nodded, and tilted his head back, draining the vial like someone would take a shot. 

The fluid was one of the most vile things Lance had ever tasted- even worse than nunville. Lance couldn’t put words to it, no matter how much he tried to. He coughed violently, trying to swallow the disgusting thing, before clamping a hand over his mouth. He told himself to ignore his burning tongue, and swallowed.

Immediately, he could feel a strange sensation. It was if he was becoming more solid, and more grounded. It was like he felt while still alive, though the awful taste remained. 

He heard gasps from his team, before going light-headed and passing out where he lay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be appreciated! I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I wanted to finish this soon! I'll rewrite it if you feel like it isn't like my other chapters.


	5. Letter #6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith makes a sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, guys! The end. 
> 
> I'm sorry this isn't as long as the other chapters, but I'm about to be gone for approximately a week! With no wifi or reception, either, so I wouldn't have been able to get anything out. 
> 
> Instead, here's the official ending to Letters. 
> 
> Thank you all so much.

Everything was foggy.

Lance’s head felt like it was stuffed to the brim with cotton. Who the hell puts cotton in someone’s head? No one knows. 

Lance also felt like he was floating. 

This was really unhealthy, wasn’t it?

Yeah.

All of the sudden, an alarm rang out, startling Lance from his dreamy state. He sat up, gasping, letting the adrenaline rush through him.

Beside Lance, another person gasped. Lance turned his head to see who it was, and was delighted when he found the deep violet eyes of his lovely Keith, staring right at him.

“K-Keith?” He asked in shock, and the black-haired boy could only stare at him. 

“Uh, dude, are you o-”

“You asshole!” Keith yelled, making Lance flinch. “I still can’t believe that you- you-” 

Keith broke off into sobs.

“Y-you just had to d-d-die, and we’re all just sitting here, wondering if you’ll make it, and we-” Keith coughed violently, shuddering as his cheeks glistened with tears. “I can’t. I can’t do this, Lance.”

Lance didn’t have any idea what “this” was. He found that he could move, so he quickly shuffled over to the other side of the couch they were seated on top of. He put his arms around the younger boy, who seemed so small compared to the other day when they talked. Keith leaned into his touch, still shaking and sniffling. Lance could feel a few tears of his own start to fall down his cheeks, but he wiped them away before they could drip anywhere else. 

Lance cupped Keith’s face with his hands, and planted kisses all over his face, wiping away the tears.

“It’s okay, Keith,” he whispered, leaning Keith’s head into his chest. 

“As long as I have you now,” he sniffled, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m never letting you go ever again.”

\--

_Dear Lance,_

_It’s been a few months since you came back. I hope that you don’t feel unloved still. I’ve been trying so hard now. Please, believe me._

_God, I’ve been trying so hard, but I don’t think you know/believe me. You better, once you read this little letter._

_Speaking of letters, the only reason I’m writing this instead of telling you is because I found the letters that you wrote. While you were, y’know, dead._

_All of those terrible things that you wrote about yourself- I can’t imagine why. You’re the bravest, most calm, strongest (mentally) person I know. But, when you go and pull a card like that…_

_I know you don’t want pity. I won’t pity you. Don’t worry._

_But, Lance, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You have to talk to me. Don’t keep those thoughts bottled up. It doesn’t even have to be me. It could be Hunk, or Shiro, or Allura._

_This is so hard to write, Lance. You don’t understand._

_Please, Lance, talk to someone. I know the thought of being alive forever is scary, but hopefully I can help you with this. Just, in the meantime, talk to someone. You don’t realize how important this is. You’re gonna drive yourself to do something bad, Lance. Trust me, I know this. I had a little brother once, you know?_

_I know this is short. I'm sorry. I don't have much time before I can't write anymore. But, this is for you._

_I guess I should actually tell you what I'm going to do._

_I'm going back to Leiqei._

_I'm going to get that virus. So you won't be alone._

_I read your letters- you said that you're scared of being alone, right? I'll stay with you, Lance._

_I love you too much to lose you._

_I already talked to Allura before this. She said it was okay, and she prepared an escape pod earlier._

_Lance, I know this isn't nearly as long as some of the letters you've written to me, and I apologize for that. The pod leaves soon, and I have to go._

_I love you so much, Lance. All of your little quirks and habits, your personality, you as a whole. I would love to spend the rest of eternity with you._

_The pod leaves soon. I love you._

_-Keith_

Keith put his pen down, and folded the paper. He set it next to Lance’s sleeping form, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Without any further ado, he left the room and headed straight for the escape pods. 

Lance hadn't deserved eternal life. He had done nothing wrong, and in Keith’s opinion, it was a curse instead of a blessing. Living forever, be able to interact with others- it was a fate worse than death. 

Keith reached the room, where Allura was waiting for him. The mice tittered around her feet, and Keith swallowed nervously. He nodded at Allura before she nodded back. 

“Be safe, red paladin,” she breathed. 

“Thank you, princess,” Keith replied. 

He turned and stepped into the pod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9/8/2018 edit: Looking back on this as the very first fanfiction I posted on here, I'm happy to say that my writing style has improved a lot. Go check out my newer stuff- I swear, it's better :0


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